Dare to Live Fully

Recently I had a scare, my yearly mammogram came back showing concern, a small lump was found, and after a shaky 3 days...the results showed the lump was benign. Although it wasn't cancer my mind when into full gear "what if mode" during the waiting time.  I had thoughts like..."Lord, I'm too young to go through this, what would happen to my family if I wasn't here, and mostly how could my son grow up without a Mommy?"

Suddenly everything seemed to stand still.  My big plans to organize every drawer in the house, plans to further my counseling career, and spruce up the flower beds in the backyard, all seemed almost shameful.  It wasn't that these things were not important, but somehow along the way I lost sight of the order of things. The order of importance.  

It's a flaw of mine to want all my ducks in a row, and then hammer away with life in a energizer bunny sort of fashion. Pack it in, check off those to-do lists, be productive, make it perfect, and certainly not have dessert first!  

The notion of slowing down had been nudging me over the last year, but now it was as if a huge banner fell from the sky and trumpets went off announcing the time was now. Slow down, soak it in, be present, be intentional, see things, really see things. Last Wednesday I had the surgery to remove the lump. My dear family cared for my 5 year old son while I was recovering for a few days. Suddenly I was realizing that I had a childless house, but under Dr.'s orders I wasn't able to clean, organize, garden, exercise, or be "productive". How unfair it seemed, but then I had the realization, the sad realization that it took having surgery and being basically bed-bound to stop me, slow me, show me these patterns. Although I have these small epiphanies of the importance to be fully present, they are short lived and few and far between. I can feel the days slipping through my fingers, my son growing up, the passing of time blowing like a quiet breeze on my face, gently reminding me that today is where I'm supposed to be, not yesterday or tomorrow. But NOW.

This week a friend reccomended a book to me. My response was that I had too many projects and too many unfinished books to complete before I started a new one. Then she urged me to watch the video that gives a small taste of the book. Seriously, this author wrote it for me. Needless to say I am ordering it on Amazon tonight. I felt the need to pass the information on in case your like me and have the desire in your heart to fully live, to see things with your eyes open, and not miss this amazing gift we have been given called Life. This is it, Life. it's not coming soon, it's NOW.